Fear and loss of confidence
Question
Hi Dhananjay,
Hope you are doing good. I am extremely thankful to you for
anwering my last question. I was established in celibacy for
a week and then I had a slip, as I could not control my mind
when strong temptations emerged. I am feeling very low and
disappointed. I wanted to ask few more questions to clarify
my doubts.
1. How do you overcome the urges and temptations when you
see the opposite sex that previously urged you to
masturbate? How to get rid of those thoughts from the mind?
Although I try hard to control myself, I eventually end up
masturbating again. Please help me.
2. What measures should one take if one wants to avoid
sexual thoughts altogether, especially in the company of the
opposite sex?
3. How to forget the feeling of disappointment from past
relationships with the opposite sex? I had a relationship
where my partner was not responding the way I expected and
this caused frustration and the desire to masturbate to
avoid it. I know this is wrong and is killing me from
inside. I seriously want to get away with this habit.
4. How to be fearless when others don't behave the way you
want them to, and criticize you? How to avoid anger and how
to control oneself in such situations? I have noticed that
this also provokes the urges to masturbate to forget the
insults.
5. You talk about transmutation and sublimation of sexual
energy. How can one accomplish that?
I want to enter into complete celibacy, but am helpless. I
am addicted to social networking websites on the internet
too. Does even looking at pictures of the opposite sex
constitute a danger in the practice of celibacy?
I am hungry for your encouraging words Dhananjay. I
seriously need them to gain strength and confidence. Please
help me.
Answer
Hello Amit,
Keep the efforts at celibacy going. Coming to the queries,
Q1: How does one overcome sexual urges?
A: It will not be possible to overcome all these urges in one go at the start of celibacy. Hence the technique to be employed is to ensure that sights, sounds, tastes, smells and touch that fire up the sex plane in man are first kept at bay to the best extent. The mantra here is 'Prevention is better than cure'. On leading such a life abhorring sense stimulation for a long time and thereby killing the familiarity of the sex sensation as a source of delusive pleasure, man gradually starts reaching the shores of freedom from the sex sensation. Till then one has to be extremely strict and merciless with oneself regarding the downside.
Q2: How does one avoid sexual thoughts in the company of the opposite sex?
A: First and foremost, treat every woman as a mother or sister. There can be no other relationship if one wants to achieve this ideal. The 'friend' relationship will not do, it will invariably flower into lust and desire. Keep interactions brief and to the point. Lust has the uncanny ability to sprout from the most innocent of contact. No partying, or socializing with the opposite sex for the Brahmachari. Those who want to party and hangout with the opposite sex are not yet ready for Brahmacharya, they can give it a shot once they are over this interest of theirs. Brahmacharya is not a casual mode of life, it is a matter of gravity that calls for seriousness and purpose. The aim of the Brahmachari is not to win a popularity contest or be the most sought after guy in his peer groups. His aim is to discover his self. One must first make a choice on what one wants, the former or the latter.
Q3: How does one overcome disappointments that have stemmed from past relationships?
A: By reminding oneself that the things called 'Hots', 'Vibes', 'Chemistry' and 'longing' are nothing but various forms of lust, desire and passion, one realizes it was all an illusion. Would a man still want to go out on a date with his lover if she were ill, bad smelling, disfigured and ugly, devoid of alluring dresses and hairstyles? Ninety nine times out of a hundred, what people call love and a relationship is nothing more than an informal agreement of mutual convenience as regards to the exchange of sex, money, gifts or some other selfish need. This hasn't the smallest semblance to true love. True love is giving, true love is beyond a firm body, beyond social status and beyond the frills of a lady enjoying her ride in a high powered sports car. No wonder men who have none of these find it difficult to find a 'Lover', while those who do, easily find abundant number of 'lovers'. This is as much love as a rope is a snake. Keeping this absolute truth in mind will make one realize that the so called 'relationships' were nothing more than convenience contracts!
Q4:How does the Brahmachari deal with the reaction he gets from the society as regards to his celibate status?
A: Does a sprinter practicing for the Olympics bat his eyelids when he gets called as being aloof further to his strict lifestyle, food habits, no partying and inhuman practice sessions? No. He takes these things in his stride as they are the means to the end he has on his mind. Brahmacharya is very similar, one can't have the cake and eat it too. If one has decided to become a successful celibate, he will be indifferent to the world and turn a blind eye and ear to what people have to say. It is celibacy that interests the celibate and not a popularity rating as explained earlier. Once this stance is clear, you will feel no anger at what people have to say or don't have to say!
Q5:How does one achieve transmutation and sublimation?
A: Adequate and regular physical, mental (intellectual) and spiritual activity comprising of Yogasana or exercise, constructive mental work and god-meditation are the keys. The mind is best tamed by keeping it ever busy with productive work so it has no time to hanker after sense objects. Sexual thoughts are to be nipped at the bud when they do start to rise and are to be replaced by divine thoughts. With this basic rule frame, success will slowly start to trickle in course of time. For a detailed insight on this particular topic I will kindly request you to go through all the past answers on this portal with an eagle eye.
Trust this helps
God bless and have a nice day
Dhananjay :-)