Which is better
Question
Dear Dhananjay,
First of all I would like to thank you for your time and wisdom for sharing your experiences and insights on brahmacharya. I have read many of your previous answers and feel truly inspired that Brahmacharya is truly possible in this day and age.
I am around 30 yr old and have been attempting brahmacharya since the age of 18, and I am interested in complete liberation (Moksha). I haven't gotten very far in the brahmacharya front. Until the age of 26, the maximum I could go without self-stimulation was 30-60 days. This I would do with the help of a vow to stay away from thoughts, words and deeds of abrahmacharya. However by the end of 30 days, I would forget why I took the vow in the first place, and once the period of the vow was over, I would indulge in self-stimulation with double the force. SO I took a different approach and started doing it day by day (along with daily meditation, pranayam , etc). Last year I was able to keep brahmacharya for almost 5 months (I had one slip in the third month). However I visited India for a month and when I returned to the U.S., the sudden re-exposure to western women rekindled sexual thoughts in my mind and I indulged in porn and self-stimulation again. It has been one year now since this happened, and I have had two or three clean months this where where I had no thoughts of sex , but it was when I had taken a vow. When the vow period was over, my mind tricked me and I would re-indulge. I really really want to get rid of these thoughts and behaviour. I try do meditation and sun gazing every day, sometimes upto 2-3 hours (Slips happen more when I am not regular). Usually I don't have any thougths of sex , but when I check email or am walking if I look at a shapely women or a picture of one by chance, a thought is planted in my mind. Slowly as more and more such mistakes accumulate, I end up watching porn and self-stimulating. This happens 1-2 times a week. I really want to stop this nonsense. However I am afraid that if I take a vow (short vow for a month or two), I might screw up with double the force at the end of the vow. Also if I take a long vow (for a year or two years), I am afraid that I might fail and it could lead to depression. Also I often seem to forget after a few months why I took the vow in the first place. Only last year when I was able to keep 5 months with now vow, was I able t realize true benefit, but that was lost after my return trip to U.S. Now a new year is going to start, I am tempted to take a full year vow, followed by life-long brahmacharya. can you please offer some suggestions on the best method.
Thank you so much and my God bless you and may you attain final moksha. Jai sat chit anand
Answer
1. Since a life of Brahmacharya has been on and off and you are familiar with the practice, it is time to take concrete steps in establishing longer periods of Brahmacharya which will eventually become life long by the grace of the Lord. To accomplish this, a strict and uninterrupted life of Yoga (see past answers on the practice of Bandha, Pranayama and meditation) twice a day is to be attempted very honestly and sincerely. One session will be early in the morning before Sunrise and another around Sunset. An alarm should be set for 4.00 A.M and one should rise immediately without fail. This is the first requisite, no compromise. The events which follow on rising up have been outlined in previous answers with a Yogic perspective (read all past answers). The same is to be applied for the session before Sunset.
2. Do not bother about taking a vow or not taking a vow. Concentrate on the fact that unbroken Brahmacharya is your true, default nature. This is the nature of the Atman (soul). You have striven with vows and without vows earlier. Let those things go away with the past. Keep the fact very firmly in your mind that Brahmacharya is the only way of life and no other way of life exists. That it is as natural and inseparable to your lifestyle as eating food, drinking water and taking recourse to sleep. We do not take vows as regards eating, sleeping or doing other basic activities. Brahmacharya is to be worked at in this way by considering it default and not separate once the effort to get established has crossed a certain period as in your case. The time has come to get rid of the thief once and for all. Let us not fool ourselves with vows or non-vows thereby letting the thief loiter in our premises stealthily.
How did you succeed in 5 months of Brahmacharya if it was separate, unnatural and something distinct from you? Can we live without food, water or sleep for 5 months in the normal sense? No. This is the first proof that the concept of frequent sexuality for recreation is an acquired disease of the mind and psyche. It is not of our true nature. We cannot live without that which is an inherent part of our nature. As long as this physical body clings to the Atman (soul), the body requires food, water and sleep (except in the self-realized Yogi who has gone beyond space and time). This is because it is in the inherent nature of the body to require all these for life. This is not the case with sexual pleasure. Man can and will live very happily once he raises above the need for sexual pleasure. It's purpose is procreation and never recreation. So we shall keep this fact in our mind all the time and push out sexual desire every time it raises its ugly head.
We have inherited this disease due to constant indulgence in the sexual act for recreation dating back to innumerable previous births. If it had been limited to procreation and if there had been 'vidya' (the means to acquire the knowledge of reality) there would have been no such urge for recreation. But we were ignorant. We did not have Gnyana (knowledge) back then. By HIS grace we have now been bestowed with 'Vidya' and now shall we apply this knowledge and revert to our default state of the Atman - independent from sexuality without fail. Let this be the attitude. Let there be rock solid and unswaying belief in this attitude. It will serve a very important purpose which the aspirant will realize later on.
Read each and every past answer (especially those on the means of Yoga, Bandha and Pranayama) and get clear with the means required. Surrender all actions as an offering to the Almimighty with love and devotion. Remind yourself that this thing called the 'Ego' is itself Maya (illusion) and false. One should think -" This thing called as 'ME' the separate individual does not exist. It is all Brahman (Almighty). He alone is real and exists everywhere, everything else being his effect and not reality. This world, my body and everything except the formless Lord is Maya enacted to work out his Leela (divine play). This body, mind and psyche is not the real me. HE alone is real and I am an inseparable part of HIM." Have this attitude of non-ego and non-individuality always even while at work and do your duty to please HIM without attachment to the job itself. Meditate on HIM with this concept established in the mind as much as possible.
You will be poised for success this time when this line of thinking becomes strong and a part of your outlook.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)