Brahmacharya with/without marriage

The correct attitude that we as human beings should adopt is that of complete trust & surrender to God. In reality, we are not the doers of any action, HE alone is. We are only the tools, mediums or instruments through whom the Almighty works his divine 'Leela' (play). Just as the chisel co-operates as per the wishes of the sculptor, just as the painting brush co-operates as per the wishes of the painter, just as an actor co-operates as per the wishes of the director, our's is to co-operate fully and work as per the directions shown by the Almighty.

A person should decide on the course of action regarding marriage by first honestly contemplating on whether there is the least trace of a tendency, urge or desire for marriage. If on honest contemplation and deep thought, one finds that in some innate corner of one's mind there exists some desire to enter matrimony, then the path for liberation is through marriage. Such contemplation and deep thought regarding marriage should not be influenced by factors such as some temporary disappointment, depression, sadness or uneventful incident in life. If the decision or feeling to avoid marriage is based on such external factors, then the decision to stay away from marriage will NOT be sound or correct. The mind will return to its innate urge to enter matrimony or feel attracted towards entering marriage at a later point of time. Such a decision based on external events influencing the mind will turn out to be shallow, weak and not maintainable. Such a person should ignore this temporary feeling against marriage and accede to the wishes of his parents wanting him to get married and enter matrimony.

On the other hand, there are some people who have a very powerful poise and natural tendency that does not incline them to get married. This non-inclination is not powered by anger, revulsion, depression or a sense of inferiority. The concerned person is quite calm, serene and peaceful without the least feeling or urge for marriage. He or she feels quite complete and self-reliant in being single and all by oneself. The innate psyche does not urge or push him for marital contact. He does not feel he is missing out on something or is losing something by not being married. If such a tendency and inclination is very strong at all times, good or bad, happy or sad and forms an integral part of one's very innate nature, then such a person can consider staying away from the institution of marriage. The decision not to get married might prove to be correct in the case of such a person. He or she can devout himself or herself to getting deep into a life of spirituality and avoid getting married.

Both these pointers mentioned correspond to the effort or direction one can take as regards to marriage from one's side. These guidelines are only as regards what we propose. They do not and cannot represent the will and destiny portained by our past karma and the Almighty. As mentioned earlier, only that which the Almighty has planned for us will transpire and materialize despite the best of our efforts; for in reality. HE is the doer and we are the tools. So as human beings, our duty is to accept that which he finally proposes and not worry ourselves about whether it is in the direction of our wishes or against. If a man finds that he does not have the least urge or tendency for marriage at all times, then let him try to remain unmarried with constant God-thought and contemplation. Let him see for himself if the will of the Almighty also corresponds with his decision and if the Almighty will let him stay unmarried. Let him try to be single and watch silently what the Almighty decides. If the will of the Almighty coincides with his personal wish, then so be it, let him remain single. If by some stroke of the Almighty, he finds himself in a state a few years later where he has to enter marriage for various reasons, then let him get married. We do not know what the Almighty has in store for us. Our purview ends at listening to our inner voice and staying riveted to the path of virtue. What course we finally take as regards to marriage or any other aspect of life wholly depends on the will of the Almighty, for he is the painter, not we. We are only the painting brush which co-operates with the painter fully.

Brahmacharya and Yoga are immaterial of one's marital status. It is not that all single men have succeeded well in Brahmacharya, nor is it that all married men are unable to maintain Brahmacharya. Marriage and Brahmacharya are unconnected. He who is destined to succeed in Brahmacharya will do so immaterial of his marital status. If such a person is destined for Brahmacharya even after marriage, God arranges a wife who proves to be supportive and understanding and herself spiritual. She does not become an obstacle to Brahmacharya. The woman concerned may not be following Brahmacharya or be interested in such a life at the start of marriage. But she eventually accedes and agrees to the practice in course of time. Divine will works in converting her to being supportive. On the other hand, if it is destined by past karma that a man should not succeed in Brahmacharya, he will fail in chastity even if he is single. So the wise man does not take a stance FOR or AGAINST marriage but lets God take the decision. For the wise one, marriage or non-marriage is of no consequence. He will stay riveted to his quest for self-realization if he is single and he will stay riveted to his quest for self-realization even if married. He knows that the state of marriage or non-marriage is only one of the scenes in this drama called life and has no bearing on his purpose of achieving to the highest. He neither hates marriage nor loves being single. He neither hates being single nor loves marriage. He is in a state of equanimity further to keeping in mind the fact that the purpose of life is self-realization and he will attain to this state if the Lord wills either through marriage or without marriage. Such an attitude is the best attitude for any endeavor or aim in life. All we need to do is listen to our inner urge and tendency and go ahead with the urge as long as it is in the path of righteousness and virtue and not wrong. Whether this urge bears fruit or fails is not our concern but the will of the Almighty. Let us try our best and leave the rest to HIM, not worrying about the result. This is all man can do or is supposed to do.

ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)