Shakti The Mother

Could you elaborate on the stages in realisation? Absolute being and intermittent states of being.

Having practised unbroken Brahmacharya for just under 2 years, suffering considerable bodily hardships like skin ailments during the practice, (My annamaya kosha is of a Pitta-Kapha constitution)I had to break it with a new loved one, a somewhat extraordinary and spiritual lady for today's society, who mysteriously entered my life, without me taking nay steps. I refused to enter into any sexual relation with the lady whom I married since and although we slept on the same bed, I did not enter into any contact with her for months. The suddenly, a force seems to have entered me and reluctantly, for the sake of the other, I gave up my practice. I felt drawn to the feminine aspect of godhead at the time. Material life seems to have improved since but after nearly a year, I have gone back to my highly sexualised teenage ways in secret to drain out the excess urges and feel a loss of the peace that would dawn on me almost immediately without effort during the practice. I must confess it was also easy to fall asleep during the practice and I had skin ailments as suggested.

Having gone through this, I have been wondering if it is Shakti playing out before me. I wondered if you had any guidance on the worship of the divine mother, particularly the reading of Devi Mahatmyam and Lalitha Sahasranama -also Vishnu Sahasranama for a better understanding of events playing out before me? I'm a man of temperament most of the time but will was strong during the Brahmacharya period. I'm 24 years of age living in Britain