Dharmic sex

Recreational sexuality within marriage, more than being a question of wrong or right is a question of how soon and how directly one wants spiritual progress. And spiritual progress is the only progress which can be termed progress in the real sense. Everything else is falsity. The highest levels of materialistic progress do not evolve man even by a hair's breadth. Rather, such involvement in materialism has a higher tendency to degrade man further in terms of evolution. Spirituality is the door to the highest bliss. It is real life and real living and spirituality cannot surface and blossom as long as there is sexuality. So one has to first decide if he or she wants the petty dimes and nickels of sexuality or the priceless treasure of Âtmic bliss.

There is one and only one purpose for the sexual act namely progeny. The moment this purpose is set aside by extending sexual contact to recreation, degeneration slowly starts at the physical, mental and karmic levels. One gets rooted to his body consciousness and finds it impossible to rise above. This is the absolute truth and is beyond doubt.

What is the limit to this recreation? what is the yardstick which shows the extent to which it can be indulged in? And if one does set up a yardstick, how will he refrain from not pondering and fantasizing on sexual pleasure even at other times when he is not physically carrying out the act due to the applied yardstick? How will the couple thus addicted to sexual pleasure source it after both become old, wrinkled and bereft of luster? Further to leading a life high on recreational sexuality with each other, man and woman both become anchored to sexuality as the source of pleasure, entertainment and relaxation. They cannot think of anything beyond sex as regards to penultimate pleasure. How then will they come to terms with this monstrous need that has been nourished all through their youth on reaching old age? It is the body that ages and not the mind. The mind of a man without a spiritual life is as young as that of a youth when it comes to desires of the mind, even after reaching old age. Physical, social and health constraints coupled with the lack of a suitable partner may prevent him from further exploring into the realm of sexuality in old age; but rest assured, his mind will always wander behind the sex concept, dreaming about it, fantasizing, draining his vitality and making his mind and body fully unfit for spiritual progress.

So the entire life has been wasted in sexuality, setting aside the very purpose of human birth. There is one and only one Dharma for the human being, that being self-realization. One's occupation, career, leisure, sleep, marital status and what not are only incidental to this central purpose. They are to be made supportive, conducive and helpful to the attainment of self-realization. This is 'Manava Dharma' or the duty of the human being. Recreational sexuality is not 'Manava Dharma'. It is 'Adharma'. Through indulgence in recreational sexuality, man loses immense amount of 'Prâna' or vital energy. The mind becomes fickle, unstable and unable to concentrate on a life mode necessary to realize oneself. Determination and strength reduce and taper away. The mind gets fooled by the temporary, impermanent and false nervous tingling produced by an orgasm thinking it to be the ultimate source of happiness and pleasure.

Sexual pleasure is really no pleasure at all. It is only a tingling of the nerves and no where close to the bliss of the Âtman. Finally, at old age, the man and woman who have lead a life high on recreational sexuality find themselves very attached and in need sexual pleasure but find that they can no longer enjoy it as they did. Such a mentality leaves them with a mind which is agitated, irate, depressed and wholly unfit to pursue the aim of the human existence. It is then too late. All their youth, health, strength and time has been lost in pursuit of sexual pleasure and their life is nearing its end. The purpose of the human existence has still not been met. This entire life in other words has been a waste and a complete zero in terms of its actual purpose. To add fuel to fire, the body, mind and psyche have become degraded and know of nothing more than sex when it comes to the need for bliss. A heavy karmic burden has been created in terms of attachment to the concept of sex. Many births will be required to undo this karmic burden. The nature of sexual pleasure is such that it can never be sated or limited with a certain amount of sex. Tolerance develops within the mind and body as regards the pleasure attained and one wants more. Such a couple will pass away with all their lower desires intact and in strength, only to take a new birth to pursue another life rife on sexuality. It becomes a never ending cycle filled with ill-health, depression and passion. The 'Jivâtma' completely forgets its purpose to realize itself as the 'Âtman' full of knowledge and bliss and hankers after sexual pleasure birth after birth knowing nothing more. It is a sad and unfortunate state like a man who has a great treasure buried right under his house but leads a life of extreme poverty without knowing of its presence.

The scriptures advocate a life of sexuality with one's wife as free from sin further to the purview being progeny and nothing more. Rather than having encounters with many women and exposing oneself to the dangers of promiscuity and the sin of adultery, it is much better to limit sexual interactions with one's lawful wife. This is the first step to be taken to evolve further. Not the last step. It does not in any way mean that one should lead a life of recreational sexuality with his wife forever. After achieving the state of being fully loyal and devoted to his wife, both man and woman need to work at becoming loyal and involved to the Almighty; for a life merely limited to loyalty with each other, bereft of efforts to realize oneself is again incomplete. The purpose of the human existence is in no way served to completion. Hence the need for Brahmacharya.

True spiritual progress starts only when one puts in the effort to raise above body consciousness and starts realizing himself to be something more than the body, mind, intellect and ego. Lust and passion are the grossest forms of body consciousness. They strengthen the concept of a male and female body in terms of objectivity, while in reality there is nothing called male or female. All is the Âtman...unbound, unembodied and unlimited. How then can a man or woman attached to recreational sex ever rise above body consciousness and make spiritual progress?

Through the practice of Brahmacharya and God-contemplation, man becomes capable of rising beyond the complete gamut of lower emotions in course of time. He becomes refined, civilized and honorable in the real sense. His higher personality denoted by the soul starts to shine through. All virtues of the highest order start to manifest. This is beyond doubt. No other means but true Brahmacharya can give true and Herculean strength to the body, mind and psyche. He will have the superior energy, strength and determination required to aspire and work at realizing his self. His health becomes robust and radiant leading to a peaceful and enjoyable state of well being. He starts becoming capable of seeing the presence of God in all creations of God.

Keeping all these facts in mind, a married couple wishing for progress, happiness, health and evolution in the true sense can give up on a life of sexuality further to the birth of a child or two and focus their energies into the objective of life namely self-realization through Brahmacharya. It is only through Brahmacharya in marriage that a couple will be able to develop selfless love for each other as souls and not through recreational sex. It is only through Brahmacharya that each will reach a state where they expect nothing from the other and yet have a marriage which is rock solid, strong and firmly anchored. This will bring a deep sense of happiness, understanding, trust, true love, loyalty and togetherness as life partners, aiding them to work towards the most important goal of the human existence.

ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)